


Scheduled Depression

by huehue03



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Depression, Gen, Lance is loved, M/M, homesick Lance, klance later, sucky writing by yours truly haha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-11 06:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11142996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huehue03/pseuds/huehue03
Summary: If they only knew.





	1. The Usual Routine

**Author's Note:**

> just a small fic :') I...I moved out of the house and I live with my grandma now. And there are times when it's time to sleep I cry sometimes because I miss my family. So why not vent it out and change it a little bit to make it more Lance-like? ^w^

“When is he waking up again?”

Lance asked, feeling the large lump in his throat as Pidge, Hunk, Shiro and him walked across the hallways back to their quarters. He was trying his best not to let his voice break, neither let his eyes burst out with tears as he remembers Keith’s unconscious state inside the cryopod. Lance had to remind himself every now and then that it was going to be okay because this is __normal.__

All the reasons he want to cry, because Keith is getting used in getting hurt.

“He’ll be up tomorrow according to Allura,” Pidge tugged Lance’s jacket as she looked at him and noticed his grimace. “And besides, this is Keith we’re talking about.” A hint of humor is in her tired laugh, pushing up her glasses back.

Hunk placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know right. We’ve seen Keith in more dangerous situations.”

“He just got a whip in the back and fell unconscious.” Shiro perked up, adding in order to completely assure Lance that their fellow paladin is going to be okay. Shiro added a smile. “This is nothing to him.”

Lance’s room was first at the quarter’s hall. Everyone halted on their tracks and Lance smiled widely at them, “He’s the last person in this world with a mullet, he still needs to make a legacy.” The rest of the paladins laughed at his joke, and finally waved him good night, watching him retreat to his room.

As soon as the door hissed closed, Lance took off his jacket and threw it somewhere, plopping on his bed afterwards. Pressing his face on his pillow, he could feel the tears soak in the cotton. They have started to prick out of his blue cerulean eyes finally after holding them back, then into the pillow they go. Next door was Keith’s room, and unfortunately yet fortunately, Keith was at the infirmary rather than in his room, so he was free to cry quite loudly today.

It wasn’t this bad, the crying. At the first week, sure he felt homesick. But he managed, not to feel sad, lonely and continued to make jokes and at least lighten up the mood in the Bridge for once in awhile. He did well in his training, especially those ones with Keith. Enhancing his skills with the use of swords for melee attacks, then his personal training with his bayard, a gun for ranged attacks. With that, he did well in protecting people, most of them were girls, but if the situation calls it, he saved big powerless men as well. From one planet to another, this race to that race, Lance was more than big help. He was excellent like the rest of the paladins, and even Keith had a hard time admitting that.

All in all, he was physically amazing.

Emotionally?

Lance could hardly breathe as he rubbed his eyes for the nth time, his hot tears continued to fall at the sides of his face and the bed around him was starting to get wet as he faced the ceiling. Back home, whenever he looked up it was filled with glowing stars, his thoughts were composed of his dreams becoming a successful pilot. There were small things he’d like to accomplish, and he thought about that too every single night back then.

Now he was truly a pilot, a defender of the universe at that. He wasn’t a pilot of Garrison like in his dreams, he was the pilot of the Blue Lion, and he was chosen. This was different. He needs to put his life on the line as he pilots. The world needs them, needs __him.__

But he couldn’t help but cry. Every single day he would always face shit loads of problems. Self-insecurity for Monday, Homesickness for Tuesday, a paladin inside the cryopod for Wednesday, and the list goes on, the days repeating. Wait, does that day even matter now? No matter what day was it, Lance cried. Lance cries. And Lance will cry. Ever since the second month passed as he counted, he could feel the negativity root in his chest, and they start to creep to eat him up, making him choke into violent sobs as he muffles this with his pillow and his thin piece of blanket.

Today is Saturday, right or wrong. Cause of sorrow for the day? __Keith’s in a pod today because his back is open and I was free to shoot the soldier that was behind him but was too late to do that.__

Everyone had told him that it wasn’t his fault, and even if it was his fault, Pidge assured him that they also have to take responsibility as well. Lance was positive enough to accept that thought, but tonight he can’t help but blame himself, even for a little bit.

His depression was like a scheduled event. As soon as they are given the permission to rest, that was his call time. He loved to stay behind to chat with every one else even for a moment, and he still does. But whether he’s happy or not, he sobs. In his dark room, he curls himself in a ball and then cries his heart out, and that was his only outlet despite his approachable friends. Was it because he tends to overthink this time around? Was it because the day ends and he feels lonely? Whatever the reason, he doesn't bother to find out why. Afterall, no one will know. No one will ask, and no one will bother to care as long as he hides his sorrows.

He couldn’t help but imagine his cherished family. His baby brother Macario would grow up barely knowing Lance due to his absence. His female siblings, Zaina, Maiara and the twins Carin and Caris, would go to school, already used of not having Lance nagging at them for not combing their hair properly, or using enough sunscreen for the day. His lovely Adora would go to the kindergarten with her hair braided by someone else other than his big brother Lance. And then Ulrich, the only guy he could ever be comfortable with, suddenly has no one to confide with after Lance went missing. The neighbors probably comes by to send their sentiments to his mother Regina who often cries at the thought of her son. Caleb, the breadwinner, always used his son as inspiration for work. And lastly, Patricia, who’s more closer to Death, is sad for leaving the world without Lance watching over her, her dearest grandson, her favorite. The only grandson who was willing to bake her some cheesecake.

Thank the Heavens for not giving him nightmares when he sleeps. He had enough of this shit. Lance then dozes himself to sleep, unconsciously forgetting one part of his routine which was to add his face mask.


	2. Coran's Early Favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really short update!! aaah sorry!! :')

It has been a while ever since Lance woke up early.

Usually he’d get scolded by the other paladins or Allura for waking up late, still on his sleeping attire and with his face mask dry and ready to be taken off. There were times he’d wake up by himself and is on time which was good, but today, he was way too early. In Earth time, probably 2 AM in the morning. 

And Coran was the one who took notice of this.

“Blue Paladin! Why are you awake in this hour?” Coran does not look up from his panel and continues to type, tapping here and there on the neon blue hologram that flashed across them. Lance froze on his place, and then cracked a smile. 

“I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” He walked closer to Coran, and watched him do his thing as he leaned at the large windowpane that the galaxy seemed to stretch at no end. Lance silently stared into the nothingness in front of him.

“Can I ask you  a favor then?” The royal advisor finally tore his gaze off his post, and then smiled weakly at the idle paladin. Lance looked at Coran, “Can you go to check on Keith? I have check ups to do  regarding the particle barrier. And then--” 

Before Coran could say all of his work in one go, Lance abruptly smiled and interrupted him, “Check on Keith, right? I got it.” He then walked ahead, waving his hand as he was about to leave until suddenly, Coran said something that made Lance stop. 

“Cheer up, Lance!” He yelled over with a closed-eyed smile, his wrinkles were all over his face. Nevertheless, Lance felt himself be less troubled. Such simple words made Lance’s heart melt as he smiled widely at Coran, whether he knew about Lance’s depression or not. 

“Thanks.” 

\-- 

Lance peered over the glass and frowned, the sight of Keith peacefully asleep inside the pod was creeping him out. He’s supposed to be outside of the medical pod, bickering with Lance, or hearing out theories from Pidge. He should be training with Shiro, or tasting Hunk’s creations that are made from various ingredients, with alien language labels and untranslated. Even if he’s not spending time with Lance, he should be outside of the pod. 

“Mullet.” He said out of the blue and chuckled to himself. “Keith McMullet Kogane.” 

He stared at Keith’s ‘pretty’ face, examining his features closely. Other than his closed eyes, he has a fair complexion, and he did looked like a Korean idol. Despite his mullet hair, he was after all handsome in his way. He looked like an angel, Lance could admit, but never say out loud. Maybe his skin is as soft as a girl. Maybe his hair is as soft as a cat’s fur. Maybe he smells like strawberries or vanilla. Maybe he--

_ Woah, Lance. _ He pressed his lips in frustration.  _ What are you thinking?  _

“He’s doing well.” Lance finally decided to leave and try to go back to sleep. “He’s going to be with us again tomorrow.” He assured himself with a smile, and then turned his back on the pod, then left the infirmary. 

Walking back to his room, his steps were heavy and weak. He didn’t feel tired, but his body was. His door hissed open as soon as he arrived, and he quickly plopped back on his bed, burying his face on the soft mattress. He could feel himself sinking to his unconscious sleepiness, as he closes his eyes and soft snores came out of his lips. 

Just when Lance finally got himself to sleep again, the pod hisses open, and Keith woke up. 

He could remember the sound of the voice earlier just before he woke up, and he hoped the person stayed. But Keith couldn’t see anyone inside the infirmary, and decided to leave the medical room and get himself some proper sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A blog just shared this story in Tumblr!! and I'm so so so happy this story got noticed!! :') Thank you so so much everyone!!!


	3. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHOHOHOHO UM, SOME ANGST WITH A GOOD ENDING ^_^

“KEITH!”

Lance gasped, then started to pant violently as cold beads of sweat formed around his temples and ran down across his cheek, then to his neck, as tears brimmed in his eyes and followed, streaming across his face as he choked out a sob.

“K-Keith…”

He cried out, realizing he once again, woke up with a nightmare. In his sleep, he had dreamt of Keith taken by the Galra. It seemed so real because Lance was there, sauntering across the hallways cautiously, glancing in all directions to look out for guards. Arriving at some part in the castle, he finds Keith, tied up in the middle of the large space, hands and legs spread out as he floated there unconscious. While Lance was about to shot the shackles in his wrists and ankles, Keith was suddenly impaled with a spear from Lance’s back. When Lance turned, he saw a Galra with a long, white hair, smirking at him and proceeded to stab Lance with his own hands.

Lance now was curled up into a ball, the blankets tossed aside as he hugged his knees, sobbing at the thought of Keith dying. Remembering Keith’s insensible form inside the pod, he could feel his heart being clawed out. Lance, remembering Shiro’s words not to blame himself, he couldn’t help but do it, punching himself slowly and weakly, as he cries louder than he imagines.

Unbeknownst to Lance, Hunk and Pidge walked across the hallways, just woke up and met each other along the way. Passing by Keith’s quarters, then past Lance’s. Pidge was the first one to notice, her small ears perked up at the sound of the hiccups, as she stopped walking just in front of Lance’s metal door.

“Pidge?” Hunk called out, a step ahead of her. He stopped as well, looking at her with a confused look. “Is something the matter?”

Hunk saw Pidge with a pained look, as she frowned and then looked up at Hunk. “I…I might be hearing things. I thought I heard someone crying.” Pidge mumbled under her breath, hoping she was right about hearing things. Most especially that it came from Lance’s room. She didn’t want to witness anyone crying as it worries her to death. Indeed, she’s the only female paladin in the group--the youngest at that--and the rest of them were like brothers to her. And the thought of them crying pains her. 

_ Please not Lance, _ Pidge grimaced.  _ Don’t make him cry. _

“I don’t hear anything?” Hunk slowly said, raising his hands upward with a shrug. An assuring smile followed afterwhich, “Don’t worry, Pidge. If you suspect Lance crying, which is definitely impossible, then you are totally wrong. Lance is strong and a huge goofball. He never cries.” 

Pidge heaved out a sigh, and then finally smiled back at Hunk. 

“You’re right. He should be at the infirmary waiting for Keith to wake up and rile him up again.” She snickered at the thought, as Hunk laughed in agreement and they continued to walk, past Lance’s room and off they went to the galley first.

Unbeknownst to the duo as well, Lance felt his heart break at the conversation that he heard from his dearest teammates, as he unclasped his hand and frustratingly cried again through his gritted teeth.

\--

“Keith?” Hunk thought he saw a mullet at the dining room, and indeed, the mullet turned and the sight of Keith’s cheeks filled with food goo made Hunk gasp in delight. “KEITH!”

Hunk immediately ran to Keith and gave him a big, tight hug as Pidge followed behind him. Keith patted Hunk’s shoulder with a grin. “H-Hey there.”

Hunk pretends to be sniffing, placing his hands on both of his shoulder. “We missed you!”

“Don’t exaggerate Hunk,” Keith sheepishly smiled. “But I’m good now, thanks.”

Pidge raised her glasses and flashed a grin at Keith. “You’ve been out for a week--”

“A WEEK?!”

“Pidge, stop lying.”  At Hunk’s nag, Pidge looked away with an annoyed pout as Keith sent her a glare, in which she only shrugged it off with a laugh. 

Hunk and Pidge sat on their floating seats, as Coran came out of the galley on time and Hunk was the first one to make a disgusted look (in which, he tried to conceal it, but Keith knew he couldn’t be subtle about it.) 

“Good morning, paladins!” Coran greeted in a delighted manner, his hands full with bowls of food goo. On time, Allura and Shiro walks inside of the room, directly took their seats and Coran distributed their bowls.

_ Something feels odd,  _ Pidge thought, scoops up a spoonful of goo and just before the spoon flies to her mouth, Shiro asked aloud.

“Where’s Lance?”

Pidge could feel her heart drop.

“I’ll go call him.” Pidge stood up abruptly, then side eyed Hunk as Hunk’s eyes went wide at the scowl Pidge’s face makes. “I’ll get Lance.” 

“O...kay?” Keith awkwardly said, looking up at her as she walked away, leaving everyone inside the room confused at the sudden volunteering. It was unnecessary, as they all expected for Lance to be as usual, late.

It confused them more when Hunk pushed his seat, standing up as well and cracked a smile as he quickly jogged out of the dining room. “I’ll come with Pidge! Be back in a jiffy!” He smiled at them nervously, then off he followed Pidge who didn’t bother to look back at Hunk.

“Shit, shit,  _ shit. _ ” Pidge muttered under her breath, her small legs was making huge leaps as Hunk effortlessly caught up to her steps. “That--That crying--”

Hunk kept silent, focusing on his walk as he tried not to distort his face with a grimace. The thought of his best friend crying was breaking his heart, and his steps to his room were heavy. He was afraid to see Lance in such vulnerable state. 

And Hunk felt his tears rimming as the door hissed open, the sight of Lance hiccuping as an aftermath of crying.

Lance shrieked, looked up at the duo as his eyes were swollen, red and puffy. His was under his covers, probably hiding underneath it as he cried. Lance felt himself shook again, fear rising in him as he shifted on his bed awkwardly.

“P-Pidge…H-Hunk--” His voice broke, coughing once, then back to his strained call. “I--”

“Why are you crying?” A simple, blunt question from Pidge, taking a step forward ahead as her hand crumpled into a fist. “Lance.” 

“I-I w-wasn’t--t-this is nothing, okay, haha…” He fumbled with his words, pushing his blanket away and was about to stand up not until Hunk walked to him and sat down at the end of his bed. “Hunk, I swear, I-I’m fine--”

“Man...you don’t have to hide it.” Hunk softly said, placing his large hand on his shoulder. “Lance, please tell me, tell us why.”

What does truly make his heart break? Lance could not answer a question that he relates the most as of now. Keith getting hurt breaks his heart, his family believing he is dead breaks his heart, and now this…

...how many pieces does his heart have now?

Lance could feel again the lump on his throat as Pidge sat down as well and placed her hand over his cheeks, wiping the tears that started to fall. “I…P-Pidge, I--I don’t know too…”

“Idiot!” Pidge cried, wrapping her short arms around Lance as she made sure she can feel Lance’s warmth underneath her. “Who cries for an unknown reason!” 

Lance struggled to placed his chin on her neck, his thin arms embraced her petite body as well as he sobbed, “Keith--K-Keith, w-whenever I think about Keith i-inside the pod, I-I can’t help but blame myself--”

“We told you!” Hunk exclaimed angrily, “You shouldn’t feel responsible--”

“I-I know! And I tried, okay!” Hunk was crying now too, as he frustratingly hugged the both of them, pulling them in his arms. Lance continued, “I told myself that it’s not my fault! Keith’s not there because of me! B-But what can I do? I-I’m just so pathetic and I-I--”

“Lance, stop crying now.” Pidge shushed him, ruffling the back of his head as she buried her face on his neck, “Don’t cry anymore...I get it...but don’t cry, okay? Instead of crying, make it up to Keith today okay?” Pidge pulled out of the hug, then wiped his tears for him. “He may not look like it, but he likes your company. He doesn’t totally hate your lame pickup lines, and most definitely he doesn’t see you as pathetic at all. Especially us Lance. You can be really annoying, but we would never say anything crude about you. So stop crying okay? Your hardwork for putting on face masks every single day will just go to waste.” 

Pidge manages to giggle, then Hunk reached for Lance’s hand, “Yeah, you don’t want to get wrinkles like Coran.”  Hunk meant well, but Lance refused to imagine his face with wrinkles like Coran’s. 

“Dude, stop it, okay? Don’t keep it all to yourself. At least tell us if it’s too uncomfortable to tell everyone about it. We’re not called best friends for nothing. Of all people, only Pidge and I knew about Iverson’s shoe that you stole from his quarters and you threw it across the cafeteria in secret, and everyone was playing with it afterwards. Iverson cancelled classes because of that!” The three of them laughed, the cackling echoed inside Lance’s quarter as Lance smiled through his sadness, squeezing Hunk’s hand as he choked out a chuckle. 

“I love you so much, guys.” Not that it revealed a big part about Lance’s vulnerability, but this was enough drama for today. Lance appreciated his best friends’ comfort, once pulling them for a hug again. Tears bursted out of his eyes, but this time, it was because of the warm feeling in his chest. Lance was more than thankful for his wonderful friends. 

“You guys are the best.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GGGGAAAAHHHHH GUYS THANK YOU SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH <3333333 FOR READING, FOR KUDOS-ING, FOR BOOKMARKING!!!! IT MEANS A LOOOOOTTT <33333

**Author's Note:**

> There's a continuation, so I hope you can wait for it, if you want to? haha. im sorry if my writing skills sucks x))


End file.
